No Sleep Til Sioux Falls (day 52, I miscounted, UGH)

Time to take a ride in the way-back machine. The ONE and ONLY time I've seen the Beastie Boys play live is when they opened for Madonna's VIRGIN tour, 1984. I was 14 years old and the Beastie Boys were (relatively) unknown then, at least I don't think the first record had been released when I saw them. All (or "alls" if your from SoDak) I remember about the performance was 1) beatboxing, 2) live scratching, 3) they were cute, 4) at the end of their set Madonna came out and sat on their neon-lined boombox. Ahh, the memories.

I'm tired. Can you tell? I've lost that special 'something' I normally have. That twinkle in my glasses-encased eye is gone. My hair is flat. My step no-longer has its spring. "No Sleep Til Brooklyn" playing over and over in my head. As a matter of fact, I've been listening to the Beastie Boys so much lately that I can speak entirely in Beasties Boys lyrics. Here's an example, "What are you doing tonight Danielle?" Me: "I'm kicking it live." "Where do you think you'll move when you got back to NYC?" Me: "Top of Manhattan." "How'd your class go today?" Me: "I explode on site, I'm like Jimmy Walker, I'm Dyn-o-mite."

Today's Highlight: Stepping barefoot onto a cold tube of cat yak, feeling it squeeze between my toes, a couple bits sharp on the bottom of my foot.

Beastie Boys nugget of Wisdom: "This is what I got to say to y'all, be true to yourself and you will never fall."

Look Ma, No Hands! (45 days and a-countin')

Picture this: standing at the front of the classroom looing on a sea of blank faces, (25 to be exact). They are there to learn, true, but are they really interested in what you are about to teach them? Some, possibly, most, most-likely not. It's a requirement, like everything else in college (even college itself is seen as a requirement these days). So, to make things interesting, you toss the class outline out the window and wing it. You buck the system, you can do this with your eyes closed, you can take your hands off the wheel for part of the drive.

That is what my first class was like this morning. Instead of doing it by-the-book I thrust myself into an outline-less world and it worked. Sure, they rarely talk as it is (why must I stand up there and repeat my questions, kids, just look alive, look alive) but at least this time they actually asked questions. Bestill my beating heart (insert Sting lyric here). Pitter pat. The class actually seemed to learn. Go figure. And, on top of that, that film of indifference, that fog of apathy that usually envelopes them lifted, if only for a short while. I saw it. I glimpsed behind the Great Oz's curtain.

Let that be a lesson to you, dear imaginary reader (or to the voices in my head), if you do things your way sometimes that extra effort can pay off, if only for a short while.

**Editors note: After the class the instructor thanked me for keeping the class on the topics that they "actually can use." When I asked what she meant, she went on to relay a story (an all-too-common one at that) of other colleagues of mine (past and present) who talk and talk and talk, despite the obvious whistling sounds of students nodding off.**

Why is Elizabeth McGrath So Great?

I shouldn't even question, I should just thank my luck stars that she is. ANYWAY, here is her web address: http://www.elizabethmcgrath.com/

South Dakota is So Very (day 46)

This is my car, but I have a blackish purply sport edition. At least, this is what my car looks like today, never mind what tomorrow brings. My fingers were painfully numb by the time I pulled into the G*damn parking lot this afternoon. Por Que? The wind whipping through the freaking willows almost huffed and puffed my car off the road. Not once. Not twice. Try upwards of twenty times, the worst being right when I drove over the first bridge leaving Sioux Falls.

This begs the nagging question, yet again, why the h-e double toothpicks do people live here? Why I ask (insert image of me violently shaking my fists to the sky). Being from Minnesota I thought moving here wouldn't be really all that different. I mean, it's aint no "Minnie Apple" as the great advertisers of the 1970's were trying to dub my hometown (that's Minneapolis, kids), but I was a silly little bunny to think I could adjust.

Sure, I could've taken-up residence in Brookings and saved myself the agravation. The thing is, when I was looking for an apartment (while still living in Manhattan) all I saw were fugly single-level homes for rent. Nuh-uh. Plus, I can handle driving, I thought, it'll give me time to catch up on National Public Radio and books on cd. Rrrright. Back in November of last year me and my beloved (R.I.P.) VW Golf got our collective arses handed to us when an ice storm flung us straight into the ditch. There I was, on the phone chit-chatting away when I felt my tires spinning ferociously (on a freeway, no less) and nothing much happening. 'Is my transmission finally dying' I thought until I swung around doing almost a 180 and ended up in the ditch. I drove it just enough to turn around on the freeway and find a hotel for the night. But first, wearing a too-short dress for the season, with a bladder full of Starbucks, I had to squat right in plain view of the road, headlights wizzing past (wizzing being the operative word here). I suddenly empathized with my dog who on bitterly cold days sometimes passed on the opportunity to use the outdoor facilities, preferring my living room rug instead.

I digress.

All I am asking, dear spirits of good luck, is please just help me get through the next 46 days WITHOUT crashing my car. Pa-leze. I've been a relatively good girl. I brush my dogs teeth every night (ow, typing that out makes me wonder if that isn't kinda creepy), I give to the ASPCA and other orgs that allow me to make tiny donations (give me a break, I have tons of student loan debt already), I don't litter, I fake-laugh at boring jokes when appropriate and I only make sarcastic comments to students when they deserve it, just do me this one favor (or Favre, as I like to say). Afterall, haven't I been through enough? Thank you. Amen.

Blogs I Played with Today

Technology
http://gizmodo.com/
The gadget guide, as it’s billed. Out of NYC, from the Gawker people. Headings: Macworld, CES 2008, BESTOMODO, Gadgets, Home Entertainment, Format War.
Slogan: “So much in love with shiny new toys, it’s unnatural.”

Techcrunch: http://www.techcrunch.com/
Headings: Forum, Company Index, Cool Jobs, TC40, CRunchies, Primaries.
Profiles and reviews new internet products and companies as well as existing companies that impact the web (either commercial or cultural).

Wired Magazine’s Blog: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/
Mac Rumors: http://www.macrumors.com/
Tagline: News and Rumors You Care About.
Headings: Mac Rumors, MWSE, Page 2, iPhone, Buyer’s Guide, Guides, Forums

Coding Horror: http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/
Tagline: Programming and Human Factors by Jeff Atwood.

Joel on Software: http://joelonsoftware.com/
A software developer out of NYC gives his take.

Art/Culture/Happenings
About Last Night: http://www.terryteachout.com/
Tagline: Terry Teachout on the arts in New York City.

BoingBoing: http://www.boingboing.net/
Tagline: A Directory of Wonderful Things.

It’s All About Me
Post Secret: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
If you’ve not heard of it, you should click and be pleasantly surprised. If you have, well it’s cool to see the daily updates.

Mashable: http://mashable.com/

Gawker.com: http://gawker.com/
Tagline: Media Gossip and Pop Culture Round the Clock. Headings: Tom Cruise, Media, Gossip, Pop Culture, Open Caption, Politics. Also out of NYC.

New York
Curbed: http://curbed.com/
Real estate site for Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens and beyond.

Gothamist: http://gothamist.com/
Tagline: Social Networking News. Links to news on MySpace, YouTube, Bebo, Facebook, Xanga, Labs!

NYC Bloggers: http://nycbloggers.com/
Organized by subway lines.

Ga-Row-ssss/This Just Isn't Right

I don't know about you, but I do NOT dig it when people think it's a-ok to flip open their Nokias while on the P-O-T.

Here's the citch:
I like to brush my teeth after coffee and lunch. It's my thing, you might say. Been doing it since I was a kid. Today after my instant Pad Thai (see what South Dakota has reduced me to) I went in for my afternoon meeting with my toothbrush and there was someone on the can, bearing-down while chit-chatting away. WHAT THA??? Sure, she told the end-user to hold on a sec, during more strenuous moments, but seriously. Whatever happened to manners? Two problems: 1. Gross doesn't even cover it, 2) maybe I'm not interested in all of the intimate details of her life. I ask this question yet again: what is wrong with people? Man, my puppy has better manners and I don't even want to get into her bad habits.

If You Like Pina Coladas (Day -47 and counting)

Since I began my commute down the colorless plaines I find myself analyzing song lyrics to the most random songs. Today's theme: infidelity with a side of casual sex. Featured song: "Pina Colada" by Rupert Holmes.

First things first, like many of you in my general age group I know you grew up with this song playing tirelessly on the radio. I can also guess that, like me, you probably even sang along to it, knew it almost word for word. But, I doubt that you ever really stopped (or cared to stop) and really listen to the lyrics. Why would you? You have better things to do...right? Obviously, when trapped in my car two hours (total) a day I am a captive audience. The song, "Pina Colada" pretty much left me with my mouth gaping open.

What was it with the seventies? I've read stories and seen movies about "key parties" and "swingers" and I am still left scratching my head. These people with their unruly body and facial hair, their love for anything Karma Sutra and bathrooms stocked with various oils and lotions. I get it. But take a closer listen to the lyrics to the song "Pina Colada" and you will see how truly skeezy the folks in this song were. Here, I'll save you the fun and summarize. This seventies guy is laying in bed reading the paper while his "lady" that he was "tired of" was sleeping when he found a personals ad. After reading the ad, and being intrigued by her desire to have someone who likes to "Make love at midnight in the dunes of the cape," he replied and set-up a meeting the next day at noon at a bar so they could "plan our escape."

Then he gets to the bar, waits with "high hopes" when in walks his own "Lovely Lady." She says "Oh, it's you" and they share a laugh. Then he realizes he didn't know that she shared his love for pina coladas, getting rained-on, the feel of the ocean and casual sex. Then it was all happily-ever-after.

I know it's a fantasy (insert Aldo Nova "Life is just a fantasy, can you live that fantasy life" lyric here) but it's creepy and gross. Am I wrong here? Both were willing to cheat and bust each other cheating with a complete stranger (personal ad, in the seventies, isn't that fodder for porn plots). Then, they blow it off and think it's funny? Really....

Then, cut to scene: rumpled moist sheets twisted around hairy toe-knuckles, orange and brown-patterned bedspread barely covering two splayed lumpy bodies and the aroma of aqua-net and stale cig smoke hanging low in the already spicy air. Not attractive seventies people, not in the slightest.

48 Days and A-Countin'

That is my apt building and my apartment. Kewl, eh? It kept me happy while I was here and hopefully I'll find something equal to or better than in mighy Manhattan. Press your index and middle fingee together tightly for me, wouldja, as I have someone coming by to take a looksie at my bachlerette pad tomorrow. Let's just hope he doesn't have a dog (as we all know what my neigbhors think of my wee little one). Good luck Chuck.

48 days left living in this frozen cow-land (did I tell you I bought an actual cowhide this year (very non-vegetarian of me but it was an antique so I justified it) and my Persian made it his job to mark it with his puke-inducing urine, good times). Last night, Saturday night, usually a night of folly and play was spent counting my zero options of what to do. Here were our choices:

1) Cosmic Bowling=couldn't as I hurt my baby wrist typin' away here at work and carrying a too-big bottle of Tide home

2) Air Hockey=couldn't for reason(s)above.

3) Video Game Arcade=I'm not 12 anymore, sadly.

4) Drinks with friends=no one was available.

So I watched a movie instead and went to bed early because I had to work this (my last) working weekend in the semester. I am in charge today you know, the big cheese.

Zany.

Meanwhile, my friend Phoebe is doing cool stuff like seeing outsider art shows in the Puck building (I've always wanted to check that place out). Woe is me. But, I've been plugging away at the site redesign/conversion so at least work will set me free, for now, anyway.

What I Miss By Living in South Dakota

I've never considered myself much of a food person. In truth, I've always had a very dysfunctional relationship with food. I guess it is the result of the way I was raised. My older sister (four years my senior) had a weight problem pretty much since birth so the poor girl had to be on some sort of diet her entire life. I remember being envious of her scales (Weight Watchers) and her specially preparted meals (whatever fad diet was hot at the time). I wished I was different, like her. The net result is that we never had "junk" food in our house. Not ever. Nup. I was comforted by bland foods, never taking much joy or pleasure in eating.

As I got older I watched my sister become increasingly unhappy with her weight and then consoling herself by cooking huge pots of fudge and eating it all in one sitting (while convincing me it was poo and not letting me have any). The cycle continued. In my house overeating was a crime worthy of verbal abuse. I sat mum.

Then my parents split and my mom took me to my aunts house to live. There I had my very first Dorito. I was so thrilled I ate almost an entire bag. I was sick to my stomach and developed a silver dollar sized burn on the center of my tongue. I couldn't talk for close to a week, it stung just to move it. After that I had a lot more respect for my tongue, never having fully realized its power.

This leads me to Pad Thai. They don't have any, not one, eating establishment that offers Pad Thai, or any Thai for that matter. WTF? The food here in the mighty plains is probably hands-down, no-holds-barred (what does that even mean?) the worst I've ever experienced. I have made it my personal mission to try to eat at all the restaurants in Sioux Falls and have come pretty close. My personal favorite, of course, is the all-you-can-eat troughs. A couple weekends back I went to one exactly as they opened (which on Saturday they open at 11 at Pizza Ranch) and there were people waiting. Waiting to strap on their bibs and gorge themselves. I had a salad and a plain baked potato. What a waste.

Another thing I detest (even when I wasn't a vegetarian, all those years ago, I shared this same contempt) is pork. Not only does the name remind me of skeezy dirt-lipped guys describing their sexual escapades with their keg-swilling buddies, but also leave poor Wilber alone already. Hasn't he been through enough? Geez. They put bacon in EVERYTHING. Here is a list of things I've unhappily discovered laced with bacon bits:

1) potato salad
2) tomato soup
3) wild rice soup
4) cream of broc. soup
5) mashed potatos (come on)
6) mac and cheese
7) pasta salad w/italian dressing
8) cheese you get with nachos at the movies
9) sprinkled on top of a cesar salad (HUH)

Luckily there is one Indian restaurant, two Ethiopian, and one movie theatre that offers pickles for sale (I tinkled a bit when I discovered this rare find). Otherwise, it's Applebees, Olive Garden, TGI Fridays, Chevy's, Chili's and Ground Round baby, all the way.

What I Learned Today: Useful Links

Here are some resources I knew and forgot about and others I just discovered.

The Internet Public Library: www.ipl.org
A one-stop-shop for answers to practically any educationally relevant question. Founded by a group of 35 grad students at the U of Michigan's School of Information and Library Studies in 1995. You will notice a helpful section on "Frequently Asked Research Questions."

Reuters Labs Viewdle Beta: http://reuters.viewdle.com
A search engine taht allows the user to search metadata on Reuters' video content (select Reuters satellite streams).

What-Is-What: http://what-is-what.com
A reliable source of technical vocabulary definitions. Everything from what is a url to what is a hybrid car. Check it out for general easily understood definitions with examples. You can also ask your own questions and leave your email address for personal responses.

MarsEdit 2: http://www.red-sweater.com
A blog publishing/updating software/template that works with all the major blogging platforms. It also allows you to manage multiple blogs, upload images and files and design templates that you see what a post will look like before it goes live. ($30)

Amazon MP3: http://www.amazon.com
For those of you who have asked me about an alternative to using iTunes just know that one exists. Its selection is good, the music is easy to find and download. Oh, and did I mention it is compatible with your iPod? Sometimes the records are cheaper, too.

Google Apps:http://www.google.com/a
This is web 2.0. You can create a customized Web portal taht combines e-mail (Gmail); group scheduling (Google calendar); collaborative online writing and editing of documents, spreadsheets, and presentations (Google Docs); chat (Google Talk); and web page building (Google Page Creator). The standard version is free, the premier edition is $50/user/year.

Picnik: http://www.picnik.comWeb-based photo editor that connects with social networking sites, blogs, and your hard drive to allow users to access photos and make edits (Flickr users can access Picnik's tools without leaving the site). This resource is FREE.

Maddy's Best Friend

Lady's Last Video

Loretta Lux

Kara Walker Down in the Hole

D Day

If You Leave Lyrics
Artist(Band):OMD

If you leave, don’t leave now
Please don’t take my heart away
Promise me, just one more night
Then we’ll go our separate ways
We’ve always had time on our sides
Now it’s fading fast
Every second, every moment
We’ve got to, We’ve got to make it last

I touched you once, I touched you twice
I won’t let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd still be friends someday

If you leave I won't cry
I won't waste one single day
But if you leave don't look back
I'll be running the other way
Seven years went under the bridge
Like time was standing still
Heaven knows what happens now
You’ve got to, You’ve got to say you will

I touched you once, I touched you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again

I touched you once, I touched you twice
I won’t let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we’d still be friends

I touched you once, I touched you twice
I won’t let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again someday

ohwoah ohwoah ohwoah ohwoah ohwoah

If you leave (ohwoah)
If you leave (ohwoah)
If you leave (ohwoah)
Don’t look back
Don’t look back

Jump

JUMP
Songwriters: Madonna, Joe Henry, Stuart Price

There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, themore time that I waste

I haven't got much time to waste, it's time to make my way
I'm not afraid of what I'll face but I'm afraid to stay
I'm going down my own road and I can make it alone
All work and no fighting, I'll find a place of my own

Are you ready to jump? Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands, get ready to jump

We learned our lesson from the start, my sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on is your family
Life's gonna drop you down like the limbs of a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see

Are you ready to jump? Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands, get ready to, are you ready?

There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait, the more time that you waste
All work and no fighting, I'll find a place of my own
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own

I can make it alone, I can make it alone
I can make it alone, I can make it alone
I can make it alone, I can make it alone
I can make it alone, I can make it alone

Are you ready to jump? Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands, get ready to jump

Are you ready to jump? Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands, get ready to, are you ready?

Finally Happy

A surprising thing happened this morning, I woke up with this morning happy. Actually happy. It's like this big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I have things to look forward to again. I can look into the future and see hope. There are a lot of reasons for this, reasons so personal I'd prefer not to blog about them. But it's hard to believe that things are finally going my way.

Tears are welling up in my eyes. What is wrong with me?

ANYWAY. In the spirit of my love for top ten lists, I will begin listing things as the time inches closer to my move back to the city.

Top Ten Things That Freaked Me Out When I Moved to SD:

1. Blinking signs up and down the main streets of Sioux Falls advertising good and services. Even antique shops try to tempt with witty slogans. What is that?

2. Casinos, money for car titles and short-term loan shops next door in the same strip malls.

3. Unlocked bikes as of these people don't understand the concept of getting your bike lifted (my first bike, when I was seven (that'd be in 1977 folks) was stolen off of my back step in my back yard when I ran inside to pee, it was like they were bike-stalking me, it was traumatic).

4. People keep their cars running, keys in ignition, not locked, when they get groceries, gas, etc.

5. The employees at the big grocery store chain walk up to you and ask you if you need help, as if you were at a clothing store.

6. People say hi to you on the street. Complete strangers.

7. When I got carded for alcohol (!) and showed my NYC license everyone always commented (which was horribly annoying) "God, why did you move here?" Um, none of your business sir.

8. Endless road kill.

9. Anything with wheels and an engine is street legal.

10. Five words: All You Can Eat Buffet (for every meal). These people are serious about their buffets.

Top Five Weirdest Road Kill I Saw:

1. Pig

2. Chicken

3. Fox

4. Wild Turkey

5. Something that was turned inside-out

Top Ten things I am Looking Forward to When I Return to NYC:

1. Picking the apartment that I want

2. Having local friends again

3. Volunteer opportunities

4. Art

5. Music

6. Food, oh glorious and tasty morsels

7. NO MORE EVIL COMMUTE

8. Happiness

9. Walking outside, for hours and not realizing.

10. What the hell, it's NYC, isn't that enough?

Goodbye South Dakota...

Too bad downtown Sioux Falls doesnt look like this now.

I have decided to leave. I made my list, I checked it twice and NYC is just too good to pass on. It was always my dream to stay in the city, but my ex-husband wanted back in the Midwest so I reluctanly left. And, well, we all know how well that worked out don't we? The funny thing about this job is I really stopped looking. I decided to pull myself up by my bootstraps and make the best out of the situation. I love my current job and I really like the school and the people here, but I came here for the wrong reason: to make someone else happy. As a result, I lost myself in the process.

Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot. I learned that I should've trusted my gut instincts. But, the work experience and the people I've met here has really impacted my life in a positive way. I will always have positive feelings about the school and its people. Still, in the spirit of trusting my gut, I have to move on. An opportunity like this doesn't come around a second time.

So, I plan to move in March, begin my new job in April. Keep reading because things are going to start getting very intestesting in my life...

Give Me Truth

I saw "Into the Wild" this weekend (and began reading the book some time ago) and was inspired. Here are some memorable quotes:

Christopher McCandless: I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.
Christopher McCandless: Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth.
Christopher McCandless: Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.

Now I realize that liberty was taken with some of the film, itself, but these quotes (the second one is Thoreau though, originally, but McCandless expands on it) are actually from his writing. I was quite inspired by this film and the McCandless story for countless reasons. Right now, primarily, the sense of adventure, the choice of challenging oneself, and the conviction that things are just things, nothing to base a life on.

Today is a self-reflective day for me.

New York, New York...

Here's the question at hand: do I want to stay in SD or move to NYC? I got a job offer today for a job in NYC and I am pretty much worthless at work as a result. I even treated myself to lunch at HiVee (that is the big grocery store chain out here) and got a salad. Their salad bar isn't very good, but neither is much of the food out here so I deal.

My mind is buzzing. My heart is a-flutter. It's time to have a heart-to-heart, a state of the union sort of discussion with my sig. other and see where he stands on this.

Initially, when I first moved out here and discovered that my soon-to-be ex-husband was still with his lady friend, I wanted to move back to NYC to right the wrong that had been done to me. I thought, 'If only I can get back, than all of lies, betrayal, etc wouldn't be so hard to live with.' I've since discovered that had I moved back then, I would've just been running from my feelings and the situation. I'd be leaving with him on my mind. It'd be a revenge move (even though, undoubtedly, he couldn't give a shite about me). Bad, negative energy.

So now the situation had changed, karma had made its rounds and I am staring the possibly of moving back to NYC right in the eye. Honestly, I am torn. Can you even believe that? Career-wise, great opportunity, probably the best. Not to mention the fact that if I am ever to move back to NYC, it would be this opportunity that would take me there. Time to think of the long term now, kids. Feel free to weigh in...

If Chopps Could be Happy..

When things were really bad for me in New York my orange Persian, Porkchop, would hop up on the my bed and get cozy while I was applying for jobs. He was sick as hell, had to get shots 2-3 times a day for his diabetes, was losing his hair and what was left was all greasy and snarled. Still, he purred so loud I could hear him from the bathroom, with the door closed. Seriously. I'd think to myself, if he can be be so positive, then so can I.

Porkchop (Chopper, as I called him) passed away when I was on a trip so this picture is one of the last 4 that I ever took of him, I took it the day before I left for close to a month. I found out he was dying when my NYC vet called me and asked me how I felt about putting him down. He'd seized and my ex-husband took him to the hospital, but I wasn't alerted to this event. I made the right decision and let him go, but he stays with me.

Why? Because when I start feeling down I like to think of him and his positive attitude, his cozy, laid-back approach to life. I've put the end of his days out of my mind, sad that it wasn't me to take care of him, but you can't change the way some things happen. You have to move on.

That leads me to the bigger thing that's going on in my life and now is the time for me to swallow hard and do the best I can. I don't feel good, at all, about everything that's happened since June 2006, but I cannot change any of it. I am still hurting, that you can tell from my previous posts, but I need to try to put it all behind me. Day, by day. I won't ever forget, maybe never even forgive, but for my own sake (and the sake of those people important to me) I have to get out of bed in the morning. Then, maybe one day, I'll go through a whole day without thinking about it (that was happening, before this xmas and this past weekend).

You cannot change people. You cannot change the past, you can only change your approach. I'm going to start trying. When you look at it, really, what have I lost? I can tell you what I won't miss, lies, betrayal, deceit, confusion, abandonment and bitter cold anger.

Here is what I look forward to: love, honesty, success, trust and loyalty.

So, I think of Chopps, my man, my little man, my gross little buddy and I realize, if he could shrug off his woes, then dammit, so can I.

This is My Latest Art

This is the wonderful limited edition giclee print Jason gave me for xmas. If you have any ideas for how I should frame this, please inform. It is quite large and wonderful.

See Joe Sorren's site for more art (check the shop links for other prints available for purchase).

http://joesorren.com/

Also, check out the photos section of Juxtapoz's website for cool artists (see Liz Mcgrath, she is great).

http://www.juxtapoz.com/

Great quote from Juno (my new favorite movie), when asked what her name means Juno explains how her father named her after the Roman queen of t he Gods who was, "really beautiful but really mean -- like Diana Ross."

I Wish

Tree Hugger-Kimya Dawson (http://www.kimyadawson.com/) and (http://www.myspace.com/kimyadawson)

The flower said "I wish I was a tree"
The tree said "I wish I could be a different kind of tree"
The cat wished that it was a bee
The turtle wished that it could fly really high into the sky
Over rooftops and then dive deep into the sea
And in the sea there is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it
And in the sea there is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it
And the flower would be its offering of love
To the desert and the deserts so dry and lonely
That the creatures and appreciate the effort

(French...)

And the rattlesnake said "I wish I had hands
So I could hug you like a man"
And then the cactus said "but don't you understand?
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives
A hug would be nice but hug my flower with your eyes"
Till the flower said "I wish I was a tree"
The tree said "I wish i could be a different kind of tree"
The cat wished that it was a bee
The turtle wished that it could fly really high into the sky
Over the rooftops and then dive deep into the sea
And in the sea there is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it
And in the sea there is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it
And the flower would be its offering of love to the desert
And the deserts so dry and lonely
That the creatures all appreciate the effort

--->That's how I feel today.<---

I am walking around with a limb missing, a phantom limb is in it's place. For me, I feel that my phantom limb is my heart.

Cool Animation Sites

Check out these cool animation sites (and if you like an artist, there's always You Tube):

Spike and Mikes (sometimes good, sometimes offensive and wrong): http://www.spikeandmike.com/

And the Mike Judge festival (which I saw last year at the State Theatre in Minneapolis): http://www.animationshow.com/About

Then, go to the individual artists websites and there is a ton more on their sites. PES is one of my personal favorites: www.eatpes.com as well as www.runwrake.com

More celebrity doll weirdness

http://www.cartoondollemporium.com/madonnadoll.html

Build your own celebrity paperdoll

This is stupid, I know, but fun anyhow. (I'm working on my yearly evaluation and procrastinating, I hate those). See these:

http://www.stardoll.com/en/dolls/423/Madonna_2.html

http://www.stardoll.com/en/dolls/598/Amy_Winehouse.html

tp://www.stardoll.com/en/dolls/260/Eminem.html

Amusing Website

I saw the founder of this website on CNN about a year ago. Quite amusing. ANYWAY, the website has really grown by leaps and bounds. I'm not too sure how I feel about this sort of thing (slamming people online, even if they deserve it). I know it would feel great to do, really great, probably. But, it throws the world of karma out of balance so it's not something I'd like to risk, I don't think. Short term gain, long term loss sort of thing. Still, it would feel good.

Here is the site: http://www.womansavers.com/

Enjoy (or not).

Good Blog, Good Blog

Check this out: http://www.mic-to-mic.blogspot.com/

It's a cool Beastie Boys blog with a funny Conan video.

I am depleted. Nothing to say.

TGIFRIGGIN-F

I dropped my puppy off at "Doggie Daycare" this morning (and she was there yesterday as well) and it reminded me of a conversation I had in the subway a couple years ago (this illustrates how much I've changed in the past year, or so I'd like to think). The girl had a tiny Yorshire Terrier tucked in her fashionable Burberry bag (if you call THAT fashion, see: www.bloodyberry.com/) and I struck-up a conversation with her (I was in one of those moods that day, a rarity). I asked her how long she'd had the dog, etc. Small-talk, then I mentioned that I, too, had a Yorkie, etc. Then she asked me what I did with my dog during the day. Admittedly, I had no idea what the hell she was talking about and I most certainly looked at her with a befuddled look on my face. "What do you mean?" I replied. "Well, I take my (insert cutsie dog name here) to the doggie daycare over on (random street/cross street). "I lock her in the kitchen," I replied. She had this look of absolute horror on her face and put an end to the conversation right then.

Now, here I am, schlepping my puppy to doggie daycare, sucking a half hour out of my morning (it's quite far far from where I live). Have I entered the land of no-return? Am I a creepy little yuppie now? God help me. Well, the good news is that my puppy is doing better at DDC (doggie daycare) than she did the first time I brought her. Ultimately, I have the best intentions, I want her to be a happy, well-adjusted dog that I can take to a dog park when she's old enough. I used to frequent the dog parks in the UES, Washington Square and Union Square and I'd dreamily admired how much fun the dogs and their owners were having while my dog wanted nothing to do with other dogs. We felt like I was missing out on something, a fundamental dog owner experience. I want that experience.

I made a decision when I was given this puppy that I would right all my past wrongs. I practically wiped my Yorkie's behind and I know I enabled and created a lot of her bad behavior. She lived a good, long and happy life so I feel comforted by that, but, I don't want to do it all over again with another dog. (I wish it was possible to right my wrongs with people the way I can with my pets.) So, she goes to DDC, puppy training every Thursday and has play dates (now you really think I'm insane) with other dogs. It goes a long way towards getting me out of the house, that's for sure. I also realize how much I love to take classes, so nothing else, I'm learning how to communicate with her. It's all about positive training, but positive training isn't working 100% with the potty training so I think I am going back to yelling when I catch her and carting her outside (she is crated at night though, so I may begin that during the day).

WAIT A MINUTE, DIDN'T I SAY I WOULDN'T TELL BORING STORIES ABOUT MY PETS? Oh well, what else do I have.

On another note: Someone said to me today (during an argument) "Do you want to compare dick sizes about it?" And, honestly, my feelings are deeply hurt by this crude and distasteful comment. I no longer appreciate or encourage anyone to speak to me like that, I feel it is not only immature, but also highly disrespectful. I walked away and am so angry I don't want to talk to this person. Before the shite hit the fan in my life (i.e., before I left NYC) I might have let this sort of thing slide, chalk it up the almighty "Whatever" and let it go at that. But now I trust my gut (the awful night I left NYC taught me, the hard way, to trust my gut) and my gut is telling me not to let it go. I am hurt and that's that. Thing is, I'm left not knowing how to deal with this person. That's always the tough part for me. Any suggestions, dear reader, that you might have are welcome and encouraged. Is this a typical thing guys say? I just don't understand what the hell it even means.

Must return to work now, have a better than great weekend. I'm going home to Minneapolis so just that simple fact makes my weekend look great. Ah, I love my hometown.

Wonder Woman and Good News

The new Wonder Woman comic is great. I started reading comics again, after a long hiatus due to my failed marriage. Here is the link to DC: http://www.dccomics.com/sites/wonderwoman/

Also, the school that I applied to in New York City just informed me that I am a finalist. I need to get another reference to them and let the cards fall where they may. I am very happy about this news though. Just to get this far in the process is quite an honor.

*Things are looking-up. Now if I could just get my legal issues settled, that would be a relief.

Should be happy, but feel blue

I should be happy today, we are launching the redesign of our website at work and thus far things have been going swimmingly. Yet, I woke up with another round of dread and longing, longing for days past and dread about what's to come. I feel somewhat hopeless today. I got a Starbucks (gift card, yay) to drag me to the surface and so far, it's not much of a help.

Got any advice?

Ring in the New Year!

Party hats and favors? Nah, several glasses of vino though and somewhat interesting conversation with a couple we met at the bar next to my apartment. I stand strong in my conviction that Clapton is the greatest living rock-n-roll guitar player. So there. As a matter-of-fact, I'm listening to Mayall and Clapton right now and it's oh-so-good. Mmm, mmm, finger-lickin'.

I am incredibly productive today, yet I have the blahs. I started out my day with the exciting task of getting my oil changed at the Honda dealership. The highlight of that experience was that they had complimentary icee machines swirling away in their bright blue and red goodness. Sadly, it was 8:30am, not exactly prime icee time so next time I get an oil change I will have to plan accordingly.

Someone I care about disappointed me, yet again. When will I learn? I get disrespected time and time again and keep having the faith (wasn't that a lyric in an 80's hair band pop song, "keepin' the faith") that this person actually did respect me and care about me. Yet, I find that based on his actions, I just don't think it's true anymore.
C'est la vie (now that WAS an 80's song, a chorus anyway, something like, Robbie Nevil)

Lovely fitting lyrics for this situation:

C'est La Vie, C'est La Vie - That's just the way it goes (That's Life) Oh yeah
C'est La Vie, C'est La Vie - That's just the way it goes (That's Life)

Baby's gone, all alone (all alone)
Are you sad because you're on your own?
Get that girl, party down
There's so many good ones still around

Man, I never thought I'd quote a Robbie Nevil song. If ever I was cool, I am no longer.