When things were really bad for me in New York my orange Persian, Porkchop, would hop up on the my bed and get cozy while I was applying for jobs. He was sick as hell, had to get shots 2-3 times a day for his diabetes, was losing his hair and what was left was all greasy and snarled. Still, he purred so loud I could hear him from the bathroom, with the door closed. Seriously. I'd think to myself, if he can be be so positive, then so can I.
Porkchop (Chopper, as I called him) passed away when I was on a trip so this picture is one of the last 4 that I ever took of him, I took it the day before I left for close to a month. I found out he was dying when my NYC vet called me and asked me how I felt about putting him down. He'd seized and my ex-husband took him to the hospital, but I wasn't alerted to this event. I made the right decision and let him go, but he stays with me.
Why? Because when I start feeling down I like to think of him and his positive attitude, his cozy, laid-back approach to life. I've put the end of his days out of my mind, sad that it wasn't me to take care of him, but you can't change the way some things happen. You have to move on.
That leads me to the bigger thing that's going on in my life and now is the time for me to swallow hard and do the best I can. I don't feel good, at all, about everything that's happened since June 2006, but I cannot change any of it. I am still hurting, that you can tell from my previous posts, but I need to try to put it all behind me. Day, by day. I won't ever forget, maybe never even forgive, but for my own sake (and the sake of those people important to me) I have to get out of bed in the morning. Then, maybe one day, I'll go through a whole day without thinking about it (that was happening, before this xmas and this past weekend).
You cannot change people. You cannot change the past, you can only change your approach. I'm going to start trying. When you look at it, really, what have I lost? I can tell you what I won't miss, lies, betrayal, deceit, confusion, abandonment and bitter cold anger.
Here is what I look forward to: love, honesty, success, trust and loyalty.
So, I think of Chopps, my man, my little man, my gross little buddy and I realize, if he could shrug off his woes, then dammit, so can I.
3 comments:
Danielle, it sounds like you have the right attitude. The past is gone. Look to the future and take responsibility for your happiness.
Best of luck,
Jim
Jim,
I know the past is gone, but it still smarts thinking about it and missing the person. I know I'll get past it, it'll just take time and some distance. Thanks so much for your encouraging words. Hopefully things will get finalized soon.
~Danielle
Danielle, the passage of time is key to getting over emotional distress. Sometimes it helps to take up a new activity that will distract you and give you something else to think about. Maybe trying something new would be a good idea. Just make sure that it is fun.
Jim
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