Pamela Anderson's Deep Thoughts

I sat down and watched an entire hour (!) of Pamela Anderson's new reality show, "Girl on the Loose" last night. I had to. I was a UGE fan of Anna Nicole Smith's reality show on E! (the theme song still rings in my head.."Anna Anna Anna Anna Anna Nicole, she's so outrageous") because, well, I liked Anna Nicole. When I was in college she seemingly came out of nowhere and did those smokin' Guess Jeans ads. She was somewhat original, at that time, a real throwback, with curves with Jane Mansfield overatures (notice how I did NOT say Marilyn, for obvious reasons since no one can compare).

But not Pamela Lee. I hated "Baywatch" about as much as I hated "Saved by the Bell" and all those other trashy mind-numbing 90's shows. And, naturally, Haselhoff makes me wana hurl (hey, yeah, "Wayne's World, Party-Time, Excellent"). Even still, I had to catch a couple episodes, all the billboards here in the city lured me like a month to a flame ("burned by desire, that's the way love goes" says Janet, Miss Jackson if you're nasty). Just call me lyric girl today.

Let's start with the positive, just like we learned in grad school, always praise THEN criticize.

The way it's filmed is unique. I am not a big reality-show fan, they pretty-much tire me, but I've flipped through enough to recognize that this one is attempting to be different and I respect that, in fact, I sorta like it. They do split screens, different angles, grainy film, black and white and seemingly technicolor (or maybe that's just Pam). Kudos. Pamela supports animal rights charities and talks em' up in the show. So, that's a very good thing.

Okay, now the goods. Although Pamela seems like a nice person and all that, but then again, I'd probably put on my best face if someone was trailing me around with a camera (did you ever catch that Lisa Kudro Show "The Comeback" that's what reality TV should be). Wouldn't you? But what kills me is her staff. At one point, one of her drivers said this, "Pamela really bases her opinions on thoughts." Oh, you mean, Pamela Anderson has thoughts? Does she really? Wow. That is amazing. I am so impressed. I don't even have thoughts. My favorite quote from Pamela was "Nudity, what's the big deal?" Anderson asks, "Everybody is naked in the shower." Rrright. Now I'm liberated! Matter of fact, I'm going to take my clothes off right now. Hold on a sec...okay, that was a bad idea, we have a rodent problem here.

Paleze. At least Anna Nicole's show was entertaining in all it's pink feather boa and Girl Smurfy goodness. Pamela in a tub splashing-around spewing her oh-so-deep thoughts into the camera is just plain boring. Simply-put.